Over the past few months people have slowly learned that I am quitting a job (yes, another one) to go on another trip and to eventually end up back in San Diego (well that’s the plan as of now). Surprisingly, most of the reactions are, I wish I had the courage to do that. Depending on how close I am to the person reacting, I either smile awkwardly or let them know how scared I really am and that it is my bigger of fear of regret and being unhappy, and my family and friends with louder voices then the ones in my head that makes me push through.
Basically it is an emotional roller-coaster the last year and more so over the last few days. Something I am use too and something I have been trying to balance out – especially if I want to reach my main goal of being comfortable with my unique me (not the one I THINK outside forces want me to be) and being truly present.
So yes, I go again searching; something I am afraid I will be doing my whole life, but my psychologist tells me not to because from what she hears the search is becoming smaller and more focused (how come hearing it from an almost stranger, makes it easier to hear then yourself or loved one?). So, I go with this mantra – Terri, You got this! and we will see where I end up.